By Ashley Burdon, Rural Coach Associate and McIntyre Dick Director.
Sometimes, I feel like my work is less about business and more like counselling—especially when working with husband-and-wife businesses. In those cases, it’s basically couples counselling!
One of the key ingredients to a successful marriage or business partnership is making sure you and your partner are on the same page. And here I am, treading dangerous ground, because if my wife knew I was writing this, she might cough loudly into her caramel latte sachet coffee…
A big part of my role is coaching: asking questions to help our clients solve challenges and move towards their goals. Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen my clients discuss some pretty big business hurdles. In some of those meetings, it’s clear from body language that one partner is holding back, but they haven’t said what or why.
In those moments, I ask them to turn to their partner, look them in the eye, and convince me they’re on the same page.
What is it about body language?
So why do I ask them to have that tough conversation face to face? Often, it’s because their body language gives away something their words aren’t saying. When I sense a disconnect, it’s usually a sign that they need to share what they’re thinking.
Albert Mehrabian, a psychology professor at the University of California, developed the 7%-38%-55% rule, which relates to how we convey feelings and attitudes. To simplify: words account for 7%, tone of voice 38%, and facial expressions 55% of the message. I’d take it even further and say the whole body contributes to non-verbal cues. Basically, don’t try smiling sweetly at your partner while giving them the fingers—it’s not going to work!
Why do we need to be on the same page?
So, how does all of this relate to being in sync with your business partner (whether they’re your life partner or not)? Business can be tough. Sometimes, you have to take on tasks you don’t enjoy, or maybe you just don’t know how to do them. You might even be feeling anxious about an upcoming change in the business. And let’s face it, sometimes your partner is just getting on your nerves.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, fearful, or frustrated, bottling those feelings up only amplifies them. But if you can talk about where you’re at, you can start working through those challenges and frustrations—and move the business forward. Your body language will often betray how you’re feeling, so it’s smarter to add some words to those feelings. It builds trust between you and your partner(s).
How do we get there?
So, how do you get on the same page? For me, I’m a direct communicator—I just say it. But like most blokes, talking about my feelings isn’t my favourite thing. Still, I’ve learned that when I take the opportunity to share what I’m thinking or feeling, I always feel better afterward.
At Rural Coach, we have a structured meeting rhythm, which creates regular opportunities for everyone to share what’s on their minds. At home, I’m not quite as good at it, but my wife and I do make time to plan and have goals written down (my best attempt at walking the talk!).
Having a coach can help too—someone to ask the right questions at the right time and gently push you to confront what you need to. A client recently told me that coaching work I’d done with their children, which involved setting goals and action steps, helped their kids "grab the world with both hands and chase their dreams." Seeing that impact was exciting for the parents and a testament to the value of coaching.
So, how do you get there? Create space to meet and share what needs to be shared. And if you need help, engage someone who can guide you through it.
To wrap up, the key is to communicate with your business partner. If you’re bottling things up, your body language will give you away anyway, so you’re better off expressing those feelings. Setting up regular, structured time to connect helps avoid awkward, one-off meetings. And bringing in a coach to ask the right questions can be a game-changer for improving communication and accountability.
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